>>“Phu La” ethnos -- its customs, practices and folk laws
Ta Thi Tam
Ethnology Institute
Wedding rites are a typical cultural trait of the Phu La, a Tibeto-Burman language group living in mountainous areas of Lao Cai, Son La, Dien Bien and Lai Chau
According to the group’s customs, in August, young single men and women set up shacks as a rendezvous. In the daytime, women show their weaving skills while men, in return, make bamboo products to show off their deftness. At night, they sit in groups by a fire to talk. Later, couples sit separately under the shacks talking in intimacy. Phu La lovers only meet during village festivities when young women can freely go with boyfriends without objection by their parents and villagers.
A man who likes a girl will approach her by working in the field near where she works. If accepting him, the girl will not leave, but she barely talks with him for fear of being seen by others. When the night falls, the man brings a monochord to the girl’s home, sitting near her room playing the instrument to show his love. Moved by his deed but the girl pretends to hear nothing to try him. After a time doing so, the man is allowed by her parents to sleep in the house, but in a place not near the girl’s. At cock-crow, he gets up, makes a fire to boil water and then silently goes home, waiting to meet her at the field in the morning. At lunch time, the man shares his rice with the girl, who will refuse if she has not accepted his love yet. During break time in the field, the man splits bamboo into string to make the most beautiful product for offering to the girl as an object of belief. If loving him, she will receive his present.
At night, the man goes to sleep at the girl’s home again. This is the way Phu La women try men’s love. A man who can show his great enthusiasm and patience will gain love from the girl and her family. After winning her love, the man will go to the forest on a good day, usually the day of the Dragon or Dog, to pick up a good bamboo, which must not loose its top, for making a basket for the girl. The Phu La has the taboo against taking a topless tree, which is believed to ruin their love. When going to the forest, the man must also avoid tripping over a stone to prevent obstacles for his love.
After a certain period of time, the man himself makes a bamboo papoose and a small basket for the girl to keep her sewing kit. They will be brought by two women to the girl’s family as engagement presents and placed outside the house. Three or five days after that, the man will see if the girl uses his presents. If not, her family will ask someone to return them to the man, meaning that the girl has not consented. After some time, the man offers these presents again. If being refused this time, it means his proposal fails. If the girl’s family does not return the presents, the couple can go ahead with the wedding. The man’s family will prepare wedding offerings, asking matchmakers to hold the wedding.
Phu La wedding rites comprise three ceremonies: proposal, engagement and wedding.
In the proposal ceremony, the groom, his parents and the matchmakers go to the bride’s family, asking for the latter’s permission for the marriage. Offerings are a chicken, two litters of wine and some fish. Accepted by the bride’s family, the groom will stay at her home for a couple of days as a way to prove his love.
The engagement ceremony offerings are a pig, a pair of chicken, fish, sticky and ordinary rice and some wine. The groom’s family must also bring food and seasoning to make a meal at the bride’s home for offering it to her family and another for offering to her family’s spirits.
During the meal, the bride’s uncle exacts wedding offerings to the groom’s family. After that, both families conduct an offering ceremony before the spirit gate of the bride’s family. The groom’s mother gives the bracelet she is wearing to the bride, implying her acceptance of the new daughter-in-law. The bride’s sister-in-law or uncle ties a thread around the groom’s neck while a member of the groom’s family also does so to the bride. After that, the couple prays before the bride family’s ancestor altar.
Before the wedding, the bride must buy quilt, cooking utensils, rice and livestock as dowry while the groom must fully prepare wedding offerings.
The wedding is held for three days. The groom’s family delegation must have nine persons or more, but in an odd number, while the bride’s family delegation seeing her off must have 10 persons or more, but in an even number. On the way to the bride’s home, if the groom’s family meets a dead buffalo, dog or goat, which is regarded a misfortune, the family will return and choose another time to depart. If they keep going, they must invite a sorcerer to conduct a ritual to get rid of evils after bringing the bride home.
When the groom’s family arrives, the bride’s family shows their hospitality by scooping water for the guests to wash their feet. The groom’s family must enter the bride’s house through the main stairway, not the sub-stairway, in the belief to keep misfortune away from the young couple. The matchmaker then sings to ask the bride family to open the door for the groom’s family. Entering the bride’s house, the groom’s family must stand singing in response to the bride’s until it is allowed by the bride’s to sit on a mat, drinking and talking. While drinking, the bride’s family receives wedding offerings which are checked by the bride’s father to see if they are sufficient. The groom can take the bride home only when the wedding offerings are sufficient.
Before the bride is taken to the groom’s home, her mother ties a thread to the groom’s wrist while the matchmaker does so with the bride. The bride and groom also tie thread to each other. The bride’s family rolls two small balls of sticky rice, putting them in the scarves of the bride and groom in the wish for prosperity and happiness for the couple.
After this formality, relatives of the bride give her money as marriage present. Before leaving the bride’s home, the bride and groom and delegation members must fall on their knees to thank the bride’s parents and relatives. The matchmaker also has to sing, asking for permission from the bride’s family to open the door to take the bride home. When the bride steps out of her house, her friends tie her dowry together with strings, kidding her for the last time to mark the end of her single life. The groom’s family uses small knives to cut these strings. Members of the groom’s family delegation each must drink up a big bowl of wine before leaving the bride’s home. The bride’s family wraps the food the groom’s family brings to the bride’s with broad leaves and throw them behind the bride escorting delegation, implying prosperity and wishing the couple happiness and wealthiness.
On the way to the groom’s home, the bride’s uncle puts a jar of wine with fermented rice inside which will be thrown at the groom’s family when they pass by. On the same way, young villagers hang an antheap on a tree and make it fall on the bride and groom and the escorting delegation when they arrive.
Arriving at the groom’s home, the bride is received by her mother-in-law who waits at the stairway to give her a pot of sticky rice and take her into the house. The matchmaker hands over the bride to her parents-in-law and the groom. The groom’s family makes an offering ceremony at the family spirit gate. The ceremony is conducted by a sorcerer to allow the bride to stay at the family as a new member. The couple then prays at the family spirit gate.
After the wedding, if the couple lives with the groom’s parents, the mother-in-law will pass her role of managing family expenditures to the new bride. Any expenditure made by family members must now be consulted with the bride, the new owner of the family. The Phu La believes prosperity of a family largely depends on its new daughter-in-law.-